So, uhm... I saw this post on Facebook, making fun of "no homo." Perhaps I've been under a rock lately, but I had never heard this term (or heard of it). I decided to look it up.

According to UrbanDictionary.com, it's "said to show that you aren't gay after saying something that sounded gay," i.e. "hey man, pass the nuts. No homo."

I'm a little shocked, saddened, and angry that people could be so disrespectful. But even more, I am concerned with something I started thinking about when Lola wrote about the Gay Pride backlash in her town, namely that heteros are so aware of the cultural fabrication that is heterosexuality that it has begun to officially terrify them.

It used to be, back when very few people were really out of the closet, and being openly gay meant an almost certain beating, not to mention reprehension and alienation, that being homophobic was a "moral obligation," and that being gay was unnatural and un-human. These days, though I know some still think this way, a lot of light has been shed into what homosexuality (and other sexualities) really is about, and thankfully there is a lot more visibility to the cause.

I remember back when Ellen DeGeneres had her show, "Ellen," and she decided to have her character come out. It was a HUGE deal. People were outraged. And despite the network claiming they were not homophobic, her show got canceled right away. Today Ellen is openly married and is likened to Oprah for her success and popularity as a tv host. That is not to say that there isn't still a long way to go (ie. now that Obama has been elected there is no more racism...right!) but when did the thrashing go from "being gay is wrong" to "everyone is gay unless proven straight"?

This "no homo" business, of course, only proves how insecure all these guys are in their sexuality, and how insecure, apparently, a lot of people are about heterosexuality as a whole. On the one hand, it's funny to consider that everyone has the potential for homosexuality...that they're just one dubious claim away from being "outed." On the other hand, like I read in an article during my no homo research, it only proves how much people must have gay sex in the head. If only we could all just mind our own sexuality, our own interests and inclinations, wouldn't everything be much easier?

If this is (at least so far) a strictly male expression, it makes me wonder if it's only because it's "cool" these days for women to be bi. I lean towards Freud, and think that everyone is bi, in the sense that although there are natural orientations, it's perfectly fine to fall in love for any given sex, at any given time. But regardless of personal opinions, I want to personally laugh and make fun of all those endangered heterosexuals out there. God forbid one of these days you stumble onto a penis and turn gay! No straight.

Dear female readers, a warning: going off your birth control can be a dangerous feat.

I am currently finding myself irresistibly, ridiculously, impossibly crushing on Zac Efron. The worst part is, I feel so dirty for it!

It doesn't matter much that I officially confirmed on IMDB that he is NOT a minor (in fact, he is a mere 3 years younger than me and even of drinking age). It's dirty. And hot.

But wait, it gets worse: last night I had what threatened to be a sex dream, but my brain obviously feels so guilty about the whole thing that my dream-Zac actually refused to do anything but make out! It was very frustrating.

And, of course, I have to be stuck in Brazil, with no chance of having sex for another month.

But if you find yourself in a similar and shameful situation, here's an awesome piece of information: it seems to have been confirmed that Zac (as I call him, being that we're now pretty intimate) is set to play Johnny Quest in theaters. Let's hope they don't make him die his hair for the part.

Please join me in solidarity and admit to your forbidden crushes. I beg you.

There's a new story, will post it if I feel like it, peeps. Truth is, I'm kinda scared of posting my stuff online and then getting it stolen. Have to look further into it.

In the mean time, I suppose this will once again become a regular blog, yeah?

I am currently avoiding work on both camps: the one I get paid for, and the one that lets me call myself a scholar. I'll get back to the former as soon as I figure out how to properly log my hours. In two days, I get paid for the job I've completed nearly a month ago. How fucked up is that?

Also, just read a stupid homophobic letter written by a person who clearly does not earn her basic human rights. Forty years since Stonewall, but people are still ignorant and blind. Have you seen the prop 8 musical? Well, you should. It's funny, but also kinda sad because we are still such a long way from getting equal rights for every human being. We women are still getting short changed, let alone homosexuals.

Gay Pride Parade in Belo is July 19. You can find me there if you're around.

Am off to research writers' rights on the internet. If you know anything about that, let me know!

Oh, and you can follow me on Twitter @andiesilva

XOXO.

Things to do before 25 or,
How to avoid a quarter-life crisis

#1, how-to
Learn to ride a bike
(yes, indeed, I never did)
--what part of CITY don't
you understand?

Number 2, in no order,
learn how-to
swim
like a fish
or at least
a non-drowning
human.

No. after-two,
(and this is where
it gets really cool)
Get published--
no
scratch that
Send stuff for publication

as the rule goes with lists,
(in case you're one of those,
you know,
people who don't make lists)
you can't put an item down
if you can't make it happen
yourself...

So there.

And from there
Number 4our,
Get closer to "Dr"
And be not a pupil
but the MASTER
(haha)
of something,
though not
the universe
--and do an evil laugh

And to even out
with an odd number,
5: be on my own to
checking off my list
Just to start on
a positive:
CHECK.


A-MUSE-ing.

It's funny to read about yourself
in the third person
like you're a character
in someone else's story

Being verbally
physically
detached
from your own
name
It's like you're made up
--a creation
(by any other word...)

Finding yourself
to be iconic, somehow
or worth some
line off someone's
pen

But not to dwell
that I'm some kind
of special device
that creates lines
and evokes
creation

We'll just stop there
and say
thanks,
for thinking of me
and penning me
so well.

I'm reading a poem that's way too
long;
I'm writing
something,
God knows
what it is
I sure don't.

Things to do soon:
finish paper for SAA
get the hell out?
of here?
of school?
stop everything?

This is not where I thought
it would be by now
I'm reading more than
writing
Writing things I should
not (be) writing
Having no time to just
chill -- and too much chill!
Where's spring?

ThINGS to DO
before 25:
ride a bike,
finish something
be a master
of my own devise!
or at least an M.A.
I supposed will
do.

Where I am is not
too bad,
not too too bad,
but I'd like to switch
my order of "I don't mind"
with an order of
"this feels nice"
I want more of what's coming
And less of what
was?

Thingsssss to do....
before I fall asleep:
pretend
to work
to read
to relax
-- for none happen all together
like that.

Here, pretending
to be modern
(what a joke!)
Inspired by Harris
who's really inspired
And wishing for a break--
not spring break, though
that would be nice, too

THings 2 Do-dee-Da
Before 5 o'clock:
This poem, rant, or poetic list.
Check.

I'm currently working on three stories:
One on my family's crazy antics,
One on my crazy fear of houses, called Labyrinths (which I am currently envisioning as the anchor for a possible book)
One on a very unreliable narrator who hates story telling

Feel free to bug me about any and all of these. God knows I can only work under pressure. :)

ps. For those of you who have heard about my current academic self-questioning, it seems like I'm finishing after all. I got lectured by one of the editors at the WSUP and she made some good points... so I'm stuck here for a while, it seems!

Here's my renewed efforts to keep this blog going. ;) Below is a poem I clearly wrote in the fall. Perhaps now it can warm us up and long for nicer weather!

It's about that time
When it should start
Looking miserable
Feeling miserable
Oppressed
Depressed...
But look (someone said)
It's a nice September night
And it's November
The leaves are most proud
To be yellow and brown
and red.
and on the ground.
Right about this time
I'll put the pain in the fridge
Get some cold wine
Hear some Sinatra
And life's so good again

It's about that time
When I'm ready again
Feeling electrified
Almost edified
And look (a song once said)
Were you born to resist?
The heat's already on
We don't need it,
We sure don't mind it!