"The sight of your lips makes me wanna cry," he sighed so heavily. His words bit down on my lip, and I couldnt't eat.
"I don't know what that's supposed to mean."
I wish merely closing my eyes could suddenly teleport me to another place, and even though that won't happen, I do it. Why oh, why am I drawn to these dead-end situations where I'm the only one who ends uo destroyed? Destroyed, broken, and utterly disappointed. I don't wanna open my eyes back, the pieces are falling in the plate (I can feel it) and Jared is staring at me.
"I'm not so sure myself," he says. He ran his hand over his mouth and the ring left a small print on his bottom lip. "I wanna be with you, all the time. Every time. But... that makes me wanna cry."
"Well, call me crazy, but you could always," of course, he jumped over my humble thoughts and said no, he could never.
The waited came by in perfect time to step on the ice and follow us some wine. I have to laugh at how life goes by so seamlessly regardless of our participation, and any outsider could come in and say, "there's a nice couple having a romantic dinner". I even might say that. But then again, I'm an outsider in this situation too.
I feel drained. All of a sudden I can't lift my hand to touch the glass. Through a sort of outer body experience, I transfer myself to another table and notice how pretty my ruffled skirt sits motionless on the suddenly uncomfortable chair. The shoes I picked out especially for the weekly occasion. Red. How cliche. I am the other woman, the taudry lover, the demeaning affair. I am the pathetic woman trying not to cry over the loss of what she never had. I gladly and willingly fooled myself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
He's staring at my lifeless body with nothing to say. Nothing to say, in his suit just off from work and his ugly tie that she probably picked out. In that silly ring that walls off our entire relationship. What a cliche.
"We just can't be together," he says, and I ecchoe right after. Stupid.
I feel drained.
The first time I looked at Jared I chose him immediately for the man of my dreams. It was the way he held the wine glass. And the glow in his eyes. But it was mostly the wine.


(to be continued)